I had a big fight with my parents about the way I spend money. I know I need to save for college, but I also don't want to miss out on all the fun I can have with my friends—and where I live, it takes money to have fun. I don't know what my parents' problem is. I work and earn my own money, so shouldn't I be able to decide how to spend it?

You're exactly right: You do need to save for college. And, yes, you should be able to decide how to spend the money you have earned. However, you also need to be responsible and contribute to your own education. This is an ideal time to surprise your parents by sitting down with them to talk openly about the costs of going to college and to determine with them what is fair for you to pay. Maybe you'll agree to pay for your books and your spending money, or for your dorm room, or for part of your tuition. Once you and your parents have decided together on what is reasonable, then you have the freedom to spend what you earn beyond that amount. Having an agreement with your parents reduces the likelihood of another "big fight" with them and gives you a great opportunity to show maturity and responsibility.

You might want to check out "Will Work for Fun!" on page 42 for ideas on cool part-time jobs in college to help you meet expenses.

Since I'm going to a school that's close to where I live, my parents say I should live at home in order to save money. But I really don't want to live at home. I've looked forward to being out on my own and now that may not happen. Is there anything I can do or say that will help them see that living in the dorm is worth the expense?

If this is really a cost issue, you and your parents need to know some schools will reduce your aid package if you don't live on campus. You may miss out on some money that would make on-campus living possible for you.

There also may be another reason: Your parents may not be ready for you to move out of their home. Talk to them to find out their real reason for wanting you to stay at home with them. If it's not about money, tell them research shows living on campus significantly enhances your educational experience and makes it more likely you will persist in your education and graduate from college. It also helps prepare you for living on your own after college. A college admissions officer could help you list the advantages of living on campus. That information could help you convince your parents.

If it works out for you to live on campus, you can help Mom and Dad adjust to your being gone by staying in touch with them and visiting them regularly. Help them begin to "let go" by being understanding and patient and attentive, even as you enjoy some new freedom.

If you do end up living at home, be sure to get involved on campus in other ways so you can make connections with people and build friendships. Join some clubs or organizations. Spend time studying with students you meet in your classes. Eat in the campus coffee shop where you'll meet other students. And invite your new college friends to your home. Students who are away from home love being able to get away from campus and be in a family setting from time to time. Offer to order a few pizzas and rent some videos and have your friends over to hang out with you.

I have two older brothers in college, and my parents already seem to be sinking financially because of it. Even though I want to go to college, I don't want to put the extra burden on Mom and Dad. So I'm thinking about just getting a job after high school instead. Is that a good idea?

No. You are important, too, and should not have to limit your educational opportunities just because your brothers were born first. On the other hand, I respect your concern for your parents. You need to know that having three in college may actually help your brothers too. Since you are all dependent on your mother and father, you may very well be in a better position for all of you siblings to get significant financial help from multiple sources, including the government.

Don't give up on the idea of college before exploring your options. Inquire about an estimate of what aid you might receive from the schools in which you have an interest. Many colleges will offer estimates without going through the whole application process. Your education is worth serious consideration by your family. Your brothers and you are all worthy of a college education.

I'm only applying for scholarships that are worth $2,000 or more. It doesn't seem worthwhile to even bother with any of those scholarships that only pay a couple hundred bucks. What's your advice?

Go after those smaller awards too; they do add up! Let's say you calculate the time it takes to fill out the forms and the cost of postage to mail the applications. Chances are, a small scholarship will yield more than most part-time jobs for the time you invest. Also, fewer students may apply for the smaller awards, thus increasing the chances you have to receive the scholarship. There are wonderful stories about students who have come to college with eight or nine smaller scholarships which added up to a significant total. Take this on as a challenge and multiply your aid dollars by combining several smaller scholarship awards.

The college where I really want to go isn't offering much scholarship money. Going there would be very hard financially on my family. But another college that was low on my priority list has offered me a lot of scholarship money, and it wouldn't be a financial burden at all to go there. Help! What should I do?

Your favorite school may be so right for you that it will be worth the financial sacrifice. However, your situation provides you with a great opportunity to prayerfully consider both options and recognize the realities of them. Is it worth the extra investment in your future to go to College A? Will your experience at College A be significantly better than what you are likely to have at College B?

Ask College A to review your file. There may be something they missed, and they might be able to adjust on the need-based portion of their offer to you. Also, your scholastic achievements may have increased since the time of your application. You may even qualify for more money for academic honors—honors which had not yet been awarded to you when you first applied.

This is a good time for you to thoroughly research both options and trust God to provide what you need to attend the school that's best for you.

My dad's company just laid him off. He's looking for another job, but not having much luck. He says I can't even apply to colleges until he finds more work. What do you think?

Talk with your dad. Tell him financial aid officers can work with you in this situation. Then, with your dad's permission, contact the schools you're considering. Use their appeal process that allows them to recognize your unique circumstances. If you really want to go to college, try to help your dad understand you may actually receive a better aid package because of the decline in your family income.

A friend of mine was awarded some scholarship money from sources outside the school he'll be going to. He was really excited about it, until his college cut down on the amount of aid it was willing to give him. He says they lowered his aid because of his scholarships! Is it really possible to get too much scholarship money and end up not getting a good financial aid package?

Yes, you can get "too much" money, but you can still get a good financial package. You are required to report all that you have been awarded in scholarship money. Your total amount of private scholarships may affect your eligibility for loans or government financial aid.

Regarding financial aid offered by the college itself, the specifics will vary from school to school. Some schools will reduce your aid only if your scholarships and grants exceed the direct costs. Others may have a formula where they automatically reduce their contribution to your education. This reduction is based on the amount of aid you have received. Feel free to ask for a copy of the school's policy. Even if your aid is adjusted because of excess scholarship money, the package you receive should still be very good by most people's standards, and it is always an honor for you to be recognized as a scholarship recipient.

I want to go to college and study for some sort of Christian ministry, maybe to be a youth pastor. My dad's really smart when it comes to money, and he figures my college costs will far exceed what I'll get in return. He doesn't think I'll earn enough to even pay off the student loans I'll need. He says I'll be in debt forever. My dad's a Christian and he always talks about being a "smart financial steward." While I don't want to waste money, I also want to do something with my life that will be worthwhile and help people. And those kinds of jobs don't always make much money. Do you think my dad's right?

Your dad sounds like a wise man, and he is right to encourage you to be a good steward of the resources God has given you. He also needs to understand that you must be a good steward of more than just money. You also have been given gifts and abilities to use for God's purposes in your life and in the lives of others. Your desire to be a youth pastor may reflect God's calling for you—something he has put deep within you that gives you joy and satisfaction. You have a responsibility to prepare well to use your gifts to serve God and others. Getting an education may be a part of that process.

Some schools charge little or no tuition because they want their students to be able to go into ministry unencumbered by financial debt. You also may find creative ways to reduce the costs of college for yourself by taking advanced placement or college credit courses at your high school. Or your state may offer an option of actually attending a local college while still in high school for a cost that the state covers.

You are blessed to have a Christian dad who cares about your future. I think you have an opportunity to help him understand what you think God is calling you to do. If your dad is willing to pray with you and for you while you're making decisions about your future, who knows what God might open up for you? Your dad also may get some new insights into his own calling—and yours. Together you will be able to encourage each other to new levels of stewardship, trusting God to provide for all your present and future needs.

Judy Moseman is Vice President for Student Life at Bethel College (MN).

Copyright © 2002 by the author or Christianity Today International/Campus Life magazine.
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