In some ways, my college search was easy. I'd known where I wanted to go to college for my entire life. It was my dad's alma mater, and quickly became my dream school.

The hard part was getting accepted to this selective school. I wanted to do everything I could to be a strong applicant.

So I went to a challenging college prep high school and took the most advanced classes. I stayed up late at night, writing papers and studying for tests. And whenever I got a major paper or exam grade back, I wondered how it would reflect on me as a student. If the grade was good, I felt good. If it was average, or even not-so-good, I beat myself up.

I knew my dream college looked for "well-rounded" students, so, by the time I was a junior, I was involved in just about every activity my school offered.

Still, I sometimes wondered if maybe I was working too hard. I stayed up night after night to finish my homework for my five AP classes. I stayed after school for hours to attend meetings and practices.

I saw my teachers more than I saw my friends. My parents said they missed me. But I viewed sleep, time, relationships, even quality time with my dog, as sacrifices I had to make to get into my dream college. I figured it would be worth it in the end.

Then, around October of my junior year I got really sick. I was out of school for over a week. I fell so far behind that my grades dropped dramatically.

I was afraid my dream school wouldn't understand why I'd suddenly become a C-student. I was so scared I'd ruined my chances to go there.

I'd had enough. And my parents had, too. We agreed that the environment at my school wasn't good for me, and so I decided to change schools. I ended up at a smaller high school that allowed me to take a few dual-credit community college classes, but it didn't offer any AP classes or extracurricular activities. I felt like I had taken a huge step back when I should have been moving forward. I had always worked so hard to be above average.

That experience reminded me that I hadn't been trusting in God's plan for my life when it came to the college search. I thought the whole burden for my future rested on me. But as I started to pray more and spend more time reading God's Word. I started to sense him saying "Trust me." I began to believe that if God wanted me to go to my top college pick, I'd get in.

Trusting God helped me relax and enjoy my life. I worked hard at school, but without the heavy AP course load, I could hang out with friends. Since I didn't have science club meetings and volleyball practice, I could sleep. I could go to youth group without thinking about how much homework I had waiting at home. I began to serve regularly in my church and volunteer in the area. I stopped worrying about my future and just had fun in the present.

As it turns out, I did get into the college I'd hoped to attend. I think that the changes I made helped me to become the kind of person colleges actually wanted to accept. Even though I didn't have a perfect GPA or a super-impressive list of activities, I did have joy in life.

It wasn't easy to change from being a performance-oriented perfectionist to letting God balance my life. But it taught me a lot about how important it is to do my best and to trust God for the outcome.

Sarah is a junior at Wheaton College in Wheaton, Illinois.

Copyright © 2007 by the author or Christianity Today International/Campus Life magazine.
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