Q: My guidance counselor and my youth pastor are always talking about how the college you choose will affect your life forever, and how it's one of the most important decisions you'll ever make. So now I can't stop feeling anxious. I mean, what if I choose the wrong school? What if I mess up this important decision?

A: For most high school students, the college decision is the first major adult decision they'll make. But even though it's important to choose wisely—and even though the decision process has tense moments—this decision doesn't have to leave you feeling constantly anxious and stressed out. Philippians 4:6 offers this encouraging command: "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done" (NLT). Start with prayer. Ask God to give his peace and guidance to you and to the people who give you advice.

Then, talk to your youth pastor and guidance counselor about how their advice makes you feel. I think they're probably trying to give you the best help they can, but they might not realize how anxious their advice makes you feel. Hopefully, sharing your concerns will help both your youth pastor and guidance counselor give you important advice in ways that help you instead of freak you out.

There are some other things you can do to minimize your anxiety. First, realize that while your college choice is a big decision, it's not an irreversible one. Many students transfer to new schools if their needs change—for example, if they become interested in a major their school doesn't offer. I'm not saying you should choose a school casually, figuring you'll just transfer later. But you can rest a little easier knowing that this option is available, should you need it.

A second reason to relax? There are a lot of really good schools out there. In fact, most people don't have to choose between one good school and a group of below-average ones. Many times, the differences between your first, second or even third choice schools aren't as drastic as you might think. It often comes down to a difference between a good and a better choice rather than making a call between a good and bad one. Hopefully, that knowledge is reassuring.

Q: Lately, my parents and I argue a lot about choosing a college. In their excitement over helping me choose a college, I think they've forgotten I'm supposed to be the one making the decision! It's like every week there's another school they think I should apply to or another place I should visit. I know they are just trying to help, but I wish they'd back off a little bit. I want to make sure I make this choice on my own, instead of just going someplace they've picked. How can I talk to them about this?

A: I agree with you: You need to be the primary decision-maker when it comes to choosing a college. This is more than my gut instinct. Research shows that when students feel like their school is a good fit for them, they're more likely to have a positive experience in several areas of college life. They tend to be more satisfied with their college experience, feel better about their academic performance, and are more likely to graduate. Basically, the better the fit, the better the experience for everyone—students, their parents and the college community.

At the same time, try to see your parents' perspective. This is probably the first time you've had to make a decision this big. It's natural for your parents to feel a need to be involved in the process, and they can and should play an important supportive role. Remember that your college journey is very significant for your parents, too. And it's difficult for any parent to transition from being an authority figure to having a supportive role.

As you're discovering, there's a fine line between having your parents involved in the college choice decisions and having them control the decision. You need to find the balance that includes them while maintaining the primary role in making the final decision. To do that, you'll need to show you can take responsibility for that decision. Here's what I suggest:

First, think very carefully about the role you'd like your parents to play. Decide exactly how you'll need their help and support. For example, it's important to have your parents join you on campus visits. You'll probably also need help filing financial aid forms like the FAFSA and the financial aid applications colleges require. Some students ask their parents to help them keep up with admissions and scholarship deadlines. Think about what you can handle on your own, and what you'll need help with.

Next, sit down with your parents to talk about the roles each of you will play in the process. You might want to say something like, "Mom and Dad, it means a lot to me that you're so interested in helping me choose the right college for me. I appreciate that, and I also want to make sure I take final responsibility for the decision. Here's the plan I've made, and here are the ways I need your help." Share your plan with them.

As part of that discussion, decide on several dates—maybe once a week or once every couple of weeks—when you'll sit down together so you can update them on your progress. With a structure like this, you'll be able to make sure you'll be the primary decision maker, but you'll be showing your parents that you're open to their input and guidance. You won't be leaving your parents out of the process.

You mentioned feeling overwhelmed with all of the suggestions your parents have about different schools. You probably also have piles of information from admissions offices. During that first meeting with your parents, create a profile of what you're looking for in a college. This profile can serve as a built-in screening tool for you and your parents as you evaluate schools. Each one of you will know whether or not you'd like to consider a specific school, based on the profile.

Next, prepare a second list that includes schools you think match the profile. This will show your parents you are taking this process seriously and will serve as a baseline for you and your parents as you evaluate these and other schools.

Q: A few years ago, I had to go along when our family went on campus visits with my older brother. Mostly, I remember walking a lot and being really, really bored. Since it's now my turn to look at schools, I'm supposed to pay attention and try to remember things to help me choose the right school for me. But what exactly should I look for on campus visits?

A: Good for you! I'm glad you now see the importance of the search and want to make the most of each visit. Here are a few basics to keep in mind as you check out each college:

It's best to visit colleges during the school year, when students are on campus. Avoid visiting during times when classes are out for summer vacation or other breaks. Meet and observe current students. Talking to them and watching life on campus will help you get a true feel for a school.

While you're on campuses, get information about the academic programs there. Make sure you know what areas you might be interested in and write a list of questions to ask while you're on campus. Some questions might be: What majors are available, and what are the credit requirements? What percentage of students who begin as freshmen each year return as sophomores? Ask about the career paths of graduates in the areas of study you're interested in, and ask the admissions staff to schedule times for you to meet with faculty and students in your areas of interest.

Be sure to visit some classes. Ask yourself questions like: How are the students responding to the professor? Are they asking questions? Do they seem interested in the topic? Is the professor interesting to listen to? Does this prof seem excited about what he or she is teaching?

The spiritual and community climates on campus are also extremely important. I encourage you to get a sense of the school's spiritual life and vitality by visiting on a day when chapel is being held. And spending the night in a residence hall will allow you to relax with current students, see what their lives are like, and get a sense of how they like the school. During your campus tour and as you walk around campus, make sure you pay attention to the buildings and other facilities. Ask yourself questions like: Are the buildings modern or at least well–maintained? Does the campus offer networked computers, high-speed internet, or other technological resources that are important to you? Is it easy to find your way around campus? Are there buildings and spaces for recreational activities? What housing options are available? (For example, are dorms set up in suites or along hallways? Do most students share rooms with one or two roommates? Are conveniences like air conditioning available?) Take some notes so you can see how a school's facilities compare with those at the other schools you visit.

During your visit, focus on the availability and quality of support services like the library, tutoring, dining services, bookstore, counseling services, career development, intramural sports and health services. Also, find out if a particular campus has shopping and entertainment options nearby. You should hear about all of these things during your campus tour. Again, it's a good idea to take notes throughout your visit, focusing especially on those five to ten qualities that are most important to you. One final and extremely important question to ask after each visit: Can I see myself on this campus for the next four years?

Although being a part of your brother's college search was boring for you, I'm sure you can see how participating thoughtfully in your own search will keep you challenged—and busy. Take advantage of the opportunity to explore different campuses and make comparisons between schools as you search for the best fit for you.

Q: I keep hearing that I should pay attention to the spiritual atmosphere on campus, but I'm not really sure what that means. I mean, if it's a Christian school, it will probably have a good Christian atmosphere, right? What do people mean when they say this—and how do I figure out what the spiritual life on a campus is like?

A: Just like people, every campus has a unique "personality." At Christian colleges, the spiritual atmosphere is an important part of that unique personality. Most Christian colleges will use similar language to describe the spiritual life on their campuses. But, in my opinion, there can be a lot of differences in the ways students on different campuses experience spiritual life on campus. Some of those differences are subtle, and some are more significant.

So, how do you compare campuses to find out which school or schools have a spiritual atmosphere that's right for you? First, be sure to visit the schools you're interested in. Reading a school's website and admissions materials is a good place to start, but you need to be on campus to really get a sense of the spiritual atmosphere for yourself. While you're on campus, ask an admissions counselor about how the school creates and fosters spiritual growth—not only in chapel, but also as a part of residence life. I believe that at schools where they take this process seriously, you'll receive a clear, thoughtful answer. And don't forget to ask the students and professors you meet, as well. The people who are actively engaged in the spiritual program are the best ones to describe it.

Try to find out about the school's chapel program. For example, How often are chapel services held? Are students involved in planning and ministry during chapel services? Find out if attendance is mandatory, and how many students, faculty and staff attend. What kinds of speakers come to campus?

As you look through the course catalog, pay attention to the kinds of general education and Bible-related classes students are required to take, and try to get a sense of how they are designed to help students grow spiritually. Explore campus ministry programs to find out what opportunities there are for students to be involved in hands-on Christian ministries. Finally, residence life programs and policies can help you learn about additional Bible study and other spiritual development opportunities on campus. You'll also get a sense of how effective these programs are in the students' lives.

I'm glad you're so interested in figuring out how to understand each school's spiritual environment. After all, it's an essential part of the Christian college experience. Finding the right fit for you in terms of spiritual climate can help you to have a good experience.

Q: I don't know what to major in, and I'm starting to feel stressed out about it. I know that is one way to figure out what kinds of colleges might be a good fit for me. How can I figure out what I should major in? And what sorts of things should I look for in a college while I'm still figuring that out?

A: First of all, try not to get too stressed out. A lot of students start their college careers without knowing what they would like to major in. A lot of other students come focused on one area, then end up changing majors at least once before they graduate. I myself changed my undergraduate major twice before I settled on what I really wanted to study. I like to think that I turned out OK!

Even though you shouldn't put too much pressure on yourself to choose a major, there are steps you can take to move toward identifying some majors—and to help you choose a school before you know what you want to study. A visit with your high school guidance counselor would be a good place to start. He or she should be aware of several tests you can take to help you identify your skills and interests. If your high school counselor can't help with this or if you don't have access to a counselor, try online surveys from ProjectCareer.com or similar sites. Another option: Contact the career development office at a college you're considering and ask for their advice. Once you get a clearer picture of your interests and abilities you can apply that to your college interests.

Even if you don't have a complete picture of what you want to study, you can still choose your school wisely. There are a lot of other characteristics of colleges and universities you can focus on. For example, you can still think about such factors as a school's general academic reputation, spiritual climate, location and cost. There are a lot of really good traditional liberal arts colleges that provide a wide variety of majors. For instance, the average school represented by the Council for Christian Colleges and Universities offers 50-60 majors, and many offer even more.

Also, keep in mind that as a freshman your course schedule will probably be mostly general education courses—courses all students are required to take, regardless of major. If you start as an undeclared major, you can focus more heavily on these general education requirements while you take advantage of the career development office and other resources that will help you move toward a specific area of academic interest.

Right now, the important thing is not to let your uncertainty keep you from carefully exploring your college options.

Q: I'm not sure a Christian college is really right for me. For one thing, I don't want to be a pastor. And I'm not like a lot of the kids in my youth group, who really seem excited about their faith. I struggle a lot to understand and believe some of the things that seem to come so easily to them. I want to learn more about faith, but I'm not sure I'd fit in at a Christian college, with all of my questions and doubts. So how do I know if I'm "Christian enough" for a Christian college?

A: I don't think you're too different from many students who are considering a Christian college. In order to fit in, you don't have to be a "super Christian" who's got perfect faith. Students come to Christian campuses from many different points in their spiritual journeys, and that includes some who are experiencing doubts about their beliefs.

To me, the fact that you're examining your faith system may mean that you're in a better place than you think you are. The self-examination process you've begun could help better prepare you for the transition from a faith system based mostly on the beliefs of your family to a faith you've developed and clarified for yourself. I don't mean to imply that your faith needs to change to one unrecognizable from the one you grew up with; instead, you will develop a sense of ownership for your faith.

The process I've just described is a critical part of Christian higher education. In a nurturing and caring environment, professors and administrators want to help students critically examine their faith system, which, in turn, will help students solidify their beliefs and help them consistently live out those beliefs after college. In other words, Christian colleges are great places to struggle honestly with spiritual issues. In this intentional Christian community with trained faculty and staff, you will be supported, encouraged and prayerfully guided through your spiritual journey.

There are some things you can do to help while you are currently going through this process. The most important thing you can do is to make sure you're not struggling alone. Start with prayer. Ask God to help you with your doubts and to give you clarity as you make the decision about college. Talk to a youth pastor or another pastor about your doubts and misgivings about choosing a Christian college. Find a trusted group of friends you can be honest and vulnerable with about your doubts. In doing so, you may be surprised to find out how similar your experience is to what they are going through. If you know people who are currently attending Christian colleges or recent graduates, talk to them about how their faith grew, changed and solidified during their college experiences.

One more thing: There's no limit to the kinds of professional paths you can pursue with a Christian education. Not only pastors go to Christian colleges. There are a lot of Christian liberal arts schools that offer a wide variety of majors that will prepare graduates for a variety of vocational pursuits. Although many pastors come from Christian college backgrounds, the goal of Christian higher education also includes training up leaders for church, civic and professional lives that will impact the world for Christ.

Q: Whenever I'm worried about choosing a college, someone tells me I should let God guide my decision. How does that work? I've never had an experience like the ones in the Bible, where God or an angel appears to someone to speak directly to them. I really, really want to do God's will and choose the college he has for me. But how can I expect to see God's hand? What are the signs he is guiding me to a certain college?

A: Like you, I've never heard an audible voice or received a vision of God's direction. But I have experienced an assurance of God's guidance as I've made important decisions. I'd like to share some of the things that have helped me during these times.

First, I encourage you to make your college decision an important part of your daily prayers. Ask God to bring clarity and a sense of his peace to your decision-making process. I believe God communicates with us through the Bible and the wise counsel of fellow Christians. So, I'd spend time praying and processing this decision with a group of people you trust, like your parents, your youth pastors, older siblings and even some of your friends who are also making college decisions.

You also need to do a healthy amount of self-examination. By this I mean you need to have a good idea of what your interests and abilities are. Ask questions like: What am I interested in studying? What am I good at? Pay close attention to the answers—they may help you identify schools that will closely match your interests. God has created us as unique individuals and your God-given interests and gifts can help point you toward the right school.

It's easy to assume that because this is such a big decision, it will automatically be very difficult to make. While you shouldn't depend on your intuition or gut alone, you also shouldn't completely ignore those hard-to-explain nudges. If a certain college feels right to you, then explore it as a viable option.

During the process, create a list of characteristics that you are looking for in a college. Your group of friends and advisers can help with this. Research several institutions and develop a list of schools that match what you are looking for. Then, plan visits. Remember that God can use the testimonies of fellow Christians to help us discern his direction. Meeting people on campus may give you a sense of God's direction. Many students have told me they hadn't made up their minds about attending a certain college until they visited and the experience solidified their decision.

The hardest part of your question is how to know what God is showing you or how to recognize the signs of his guidance. The Bible speaks of a peace that comes from knowing you are walking in God's will. With God's help, as well as some intentional efforts on your part and the help of good and wise counsel, it is possible to discern God's will and experience his peace in the process.

Skip Trudeau is associate vice president for student development and dean of students at Taylor University in Upland, Indiana.

Copyright © 2006 by the author or Christianity Today International/Campus Life magazine.
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